My green smoothie today is so good- I made it with parsley, cilantro, romaine lettuce, lemon, mango and banana- very very good.

Yesterday, I felt rather depressed and tired all day, so different from how I have been feeling recently. It is all because of the fact that I have not lost any weight and it makes me question my way of eating. I love being raw, but I was feeling like if I could not shake any weight off than maybe I would have to go the regular weight loss route and eat a low fat low cal diet which is NOT how I want to live. I assumed that eating raw would automatically take care of the weight issue, but I guess it is going to take more effort and more time. I have to remember that Rylee is only 9 wks old. I have talked to other people and they all advise to stay raw as they know it is what I am passionate about. Even my husband who I thought was not very supportive has been a huge support and beleives I should keep it up. I was so surprised and confused at the same time! Although we have had many problems in our relationship, sometimes he can be the best. Anyways, I woke up this morning feeling a little down because I thought I was giving up, then I rememebred that I had in fact NOT given up and that it was all ok, that i could stay raw if I wanted to. So today is grocery day and I will do my regular shopping. I think this week I will make the thai wraps that Leah and I had, so good. I am feeling better than yesterday and more optomistic. Tonight Kyle and I are going out for diner, which means I may not have a meal that is 100%- I will definitely get a salad but sometimes, the dressing is packaged, or the nuts are roasted... Anyways, I feel good- and am enjoying my green smoothie at the moment!!

My green drink today is with mixed greens, sprouts, mango, water, pear and banana and it is really good. I think it is important to have a green drink every day. It is such an easy way of getting a lot of greens. I had a little breakdown last night after weighing myself once again at the gym. My weight has been stuck and i am getting very frusterated. I started to think that maybe I should change my diet to simple, low fat foods- like sweet potatoes and steamed veggies, oatmeal, etc... But then that just didn't sit well with me, I felt so cornered, like I did not know what to do. I beleive so strongly in this lifestyle that I do not want to stop but at the same time I need to loose weight- 15 pounds!! I think the bottom line is that I have to be careful of the quantity of food, and of fat that I take in whether I am raw or not. So I am still determined to stay on track with this and to focus on all the other reasons why it is important (health, anti- aging,...). Before I stepped on the scale, I felt high as I felt so good from all the foods I had been eating- I have been so happy and optomistic, my perspective on everything has improved dramatically- that is what is important, not the scale. I do not want to eat cooked foods, lose the weight but feel horrible and negative. I have to constantly remind myself why I am living this lifestyle.

It is overwhelming to see all the new websites and all the info on raw food living. It is exciting but like I said also overwhelming. There are so many recipes out there that it feels like "where do I begin?"- "when can I do all this?". I have to rememeber that I do not have to do it all... I can try one new recipe a week, one new green smoothie per week and that is all. After weeks, I will have tried many new dishes and smooties, and then it will just be a matter of time where I am more and more comfortable with experimenting. The recipes at times, seem complicated- soaking and sprouting, but it really is not. I have to rememeber not to get too intimidated by all the steps. It is no more complicated than a cooked dish.

This week has been very interesting as far as my raw journey goes. I am loving it more and more every day and realizing how I am no longer addicted to food as I no longer crave cooked foods. The only foods I craved the first few days were tofu and soy cheese as I could no longer add them to my salad. I had to learn to find subtitutes. My salads have become so creative and so much tastier than they were when I had the tofu and soy cheese. Every night when I have my salad, I think of how good it is and how i wish I could share it with others so they could see how good this is. I have recently discovered how to marinate portobello mushrooms in Tamari sauce (should be Nama shoyu but they did not carry it at the organic store...), olive oil and cayenne pepper. I then cut it up and add it to my salad and it taste like tofu!! I also bought sprouted beans which are another addition that mixes well withthe mushrooms. That is just one of many new discoveries I have made... I wishI could have a raw restaurant which specializes in salads.

Leah came for a visit from California wher she has lots of access to raw cafes and foods. It was so much fun, she is a very good friend- we have the same philosophies on nutrition and life. She is also raw and had a lot to teach me. She has expiremented more with creative meals and showed me a few really yummy recipes. We had so many laughs and a lot of fun in the kitchen. The first meal we had was wraps with Nori Sheets- when I had made them previously, they never quite turned out, but Leah was able to show me what to put in, and how to wrap properly. It was sooo amazingly good and easy that I can see me having them regularly at lunch time. Then we made thai wraps made with Swiss Chard leaves. This recipe was by far the best raw meal I have had yet. It took some time (about 2 hours to prepare), but that is also due to the fact that we had to care for all the kids at the same time, we were easily distracted. If there were no kids, it would likely only take about 45 minutes to prepare. Another great thing she showed me was the Chia seeds with Goji berries soaked in Almond Milk. This is a really good breakfast that resembles oatmeal but tastes much better. We also used my dehydrator to dehydrate bananas, we hadn't enough time to try crackers but I now know how to do them when I am ready. Finally, we made lots of chocolate which of course was delicious. It was a 24 hour raw fest 101!! Today I am taking the kids into Vancouver where we will meet her and Reese. We are going to try a raw vegan cafe- I am so excited!! There are I think 3 raw vegan cafes in Vancouver- the community is really growing. So I am off to get ready for our lunch this afternoon!!

I have been 100% raw for 8 days now, not that it matters because I do not want to focus on the # days as I plan to be raw for a long period of time. I can not help but obsess over my body to the point where it is all that is on my mind. I am so much bigger than I want to be and it is really uncomfortable. I can feel all the fat resting on me and it is driving me crazy. I just want it gone!! It makes me feel clausterphobic... I thought being raw would really help get rid of it fast but that is not the case. I am not giving up because I love eating like this and I know I am doing what is best for my body. I might have to reduce the amount of nuts/avocado that I eat until I do start to shed some pounds and then I can be more slack once I reach my goal (my ideal weight would be 110 pounds). Anyways, over the weekend, I made a corn salad that was AMAZING- I mixed raw corn with peppers, onions, red cabbage, tomatoes and avocado and I put it on a bed of parsley- the dressing was a red wine vinegar with olive oil, garlic, cayenne, lemon and honey. It was soooo good and filling. I am likely going to make my "pasta" dish made with Zuchini and raw tomato sauce tomorrow. It has been unbearably hot here- in the house at the moment it is 89 degrees, I am sweating like crazy at the moment! When it is so hot, I am less motivated to be inthe kitchen but at least I do not have to cook...

Today I went to the gym and ran for 45 minutes at 6.0 with intervals of 6.6, then I did the cross trainer for 20 minutes. I may avoid weight for now as I just want to first focus on weight loss. I will experiment and see what works.

Had a rough night and am having a little bit of a rough morning with Rylee. Kyle took the Julia and Noah to Stanley Park and I thought I would get a lot done, but not so. I did do groceries which is a big deal and managed to put them away and clean the fridge. I haven't had the chance to have lunch, so I am having a green drink and had an apple and some brocolli. Very boring I know but I can not seem to get anything prepared as I am always holding her. This week I plan on trying a "pasta" made of Zuchini and other veggies. The sauce is blended and made of tomatoes and spices. I can not wait to see if it will be good. I know Leah has made raw pasta dishes before and really loves them. She will be here next week and I can not wait. We will be preparing raw stuff the whole time, hahaha... should be fun and interesting to see how we manage with 4 kids. She has experimented more than me and knows how to prepare more of a variety of things so I am anxious to learn some new recipes.

This morning I again made the mistake of weighing myself and I was actually 132!! A weight gain??!! I am still not giving up and thought "if I were not raw I may weigh 140- who knows?" I have to remain positive and stay away from the scale. What is so shocking is that I feel smaller and my clothes seem to fit better and I find that I look smaller - ?? Very odd- I just have to remind myself that I just had Rylee less than 2 months ago and this is going to take time. I am committed to staying raw for at least the 60 days at 100% to see what comes of it. It is very easy and almost effortless being raw at this point. I did have a craving for cooked foods this morning- It was pretty strong but I was quickly distracted (kids) and forgot about it. It may be a detoxifying effect as I am getting cleaner. Well, Rylee is finally sleeping- should get stuff done b4 the gang gets back!!