For some reason my first entry got deleted so I will recap what was said in my first blog. I am currently on a 60 day dedication to be 100% raw. Today was day one and it is going very smoothly. I have been about 75-90% raw for about 3 months and have been tampering with the raw food lifestyle for almost 10 years now. When I first discovered the raw lifestyle, I was so excited and it made so much sense to me. I ordered the raw food book by David Wolfe, read it in no time and became raw immediately. I was 100% for a few months and then before long I began binging on the weekends to the point I almost had an eating disorder. My weight dropped to 102 pounds which I was thrilled about but it became more about the weight and less about the health. I am only about 5'1 so I beleive my ideal weight is likely 105-110 pounds. I have always had weight issues and was teased as a child. My weight peaked at 156 pounds in University when I did nothing but party and eat junk. I was so disgusted with myself but had no clue how to stop the vicious cycle. When I discovered raw I was at about 120 pounds or so and felt that being vegan was still not enough. I still felt "heavy" and bloated after most meals and just plain gross. Anyways, I had to abandon the raw lifestyle because of the mind games. I was devastated and felt like I had lost a friend. I actually grieved and felt depressed that I had given up- I felt as though I failed at something I believed so strongly in. I tried numerous times over the years to go back to it but could not seem to get in the right frame of mind to keep it up. I was always obsessing over food and craving cooked foods.

Then in my 3rd pregnancy I began getting rapid heart beats immediately after I ate. It started with foods high in sugar/salt but before long, it seemd to happen after each meal and everything I was eating. I was eating very "healthy" cooked foods- lots of beans, lentils; rice milk; tofu and soy products... but it did not seem to matter, my heart would race up to 160 or higher and stay like that for a long time after I ate. I dreaded meal time and avoided snacking. The doctor said it was just hormones and not to worry about it. Out of desperation, I decided to go raw for a day to see how I would feel and of course I had no heart palpitations and felt amazing. The last 6 wks of my pregnancy I was almost completely raw except for the tofu and soy cheese I would add to my salads. Now my baby is 7 1/2 wks old and I am determined to stay raw and to loose these last 15 pounds. This time around I am in it for all the right reasons. I am not craving cooked foods at all. When I do eat them, I feel horrible, hot and irritated, like I want to crawl out of my skin. My slip ups have not been from cravings but from lack of access to raw foods (like this past wkd, we went to a wedding in a small town where there was nothing to choose). I am so excited that I finally "get"it and really want to embrace the lifestyle long term. I love feeling light without the hunger. My appetite is less than normal when I am raw becasue I know my body is taking what it needs, not what it craves. This past weekend when I ate cooked foods, I was always hungry and wanted junk, I realized how f--- our bodies are(when eating "cooked") and how addicted they are when we put poison in us. This is when I decided I had to go 100% raw just to reset my body, to get rid of all the toxins and to reap the benefits.

I also have to loose this weight as it is driving me crazy. I only gained 30 pounds in my pregnancy ( same with my first 2), and lost 15-20 pounds almost immdiately but have been stuck at 130 pounds for the past month. I am not sure why my body is holding on to it, but I figure going 100% will solve the problem. I am recording my experience to keep me motivated and to keep me on track. I have never blogged or been on this website, I could care less if anyone reads it as this is not my reason for blogging. I am basically journaling this experience for me. I am not annoucing to anyone that I am blogging as this is not my purpose. I wish myself luck and am setting the goal of at least 118 pounds in the next 59 days- today my weight sits at approx 130 pounds. Can I loose 12 pounds in 59 days?? We shall see- I believe that if I believe it can happen, then it will happen.